Mom, You're Incredible! Summary of the Book by Linda Weber
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To counter a lot of bad press mothering has had in the media, Linda Weber wrote Mom, You’re Incredible! as a dose of encouragement to all mothers, but especially those who have chosen to be the full-time caregivers of their children. “You’re not expendable,” she says in the opening pages. But good mothering doesn’t happen without effort and a goal.
And what is our goal? To nurture and develop the heart and spirit of our children.
Don’t I Get a Break?
Our time is not our own, our body is not our own, demands are placed on us at every waking hour—even through our sleep! Mothering can seem like a sacrifice without a recompense, a lot of giving without much glory. But Weber reminds us:
“This is important. It’s not a waste of your life or talents. The future of these kids depends on you.”
Weber recalls when her boys grew into adults and started realizing and appreciating all the sacrifices their mother had made. Her son Kent, writes, “I’m convinced that the main reason I’ve grown up, developed, and matured with so few problems and so many advantages is that you always loved me and looked out for me the way you did.”
In a similar manner, Thomas Edison writes, “My mother was the making of me, she was so true, so sure of me; and I felt that I had someone to live for, someone I must not disappoint.”
Don’t underestimate your impact, know that one day your efforts will pay off.
Did You Say Just a Mother?
Weber recalls her childhood when her mother, whom she admires greatly, worked outside the home. As her boys got older, Weber worked outside the home as well. However, she is resistant to the idea that women need to have a job outside the home in order to seem important in society. Commonly, if a woman is the primary caregiver of her children, she is considered “just a housewife.” But she is so much more than a babysitter, she is someone who has decided that with more time and diligence dedicated to the task at hand, the better the return. What if someone’s time and energy are already maxed out by demands outside the home? The more the child’s needs are unnoticed or unmet, the more problems will arrive. In her words: “Shaping our child’s life is saving it.”
“For all her sacrifices, for all she did without, Mom never made us feel it was our fault or that she was missing out on something. She never gave the impression she was ‘stuck’ raising the three of us.”
Can We Really Make a Difference?
Here are some examples of how we make a difference as moms:
Kids need to feel worthwhile and accepted. “Being around our kids during the day, being available, dispels loneliness.”
Kids need to feel important. “Whenever there are strangers and peers, there will be competition—for recognition, for approval, for acceptance, for importance. And there will be winners and losers. Every kid needs to begin in a setting where there are no losers, only very important little individuals.”
Kids need to feel cared for. “[Parents] are too busy for their kids, too heavily scheduled, too stressed, or too tired to be interested. Or they have other things to do that are just too important to take time for the ‘little things.’ But little things add up.”
Kids need to develop good attitudes. “[A]ttitudes are more caught than taught.”
Kids need to develop good responses. Kids watch and learn from us how to respond to crises, threats, and inconveniences.
Kids need to develop good patterns. “[Kids] learn priorities from how we spend our time and resources.”
By just being present with our kids, our kids glean so many skills that will be essential to their making it in the future in both work and relationships.
Oh, They’ll turn out all right… won’t they?
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We can foresee the dangers in our child’s lives by regularly sharing time, experience, and our hearts. These are not moments that require planning. They’re the result of an attitude of openness to our children that shows we are willing to give them our attention and acceptance. With this attitude of openness we can pick up on “what hurts, intimidates, and tempts them.” And our acceptance will protect them from any of life’s dangerous temptations.
There are two things that children probably fear more than anything else: isolation and rejection. We can counteract these feelings by making it clear to our child (through words and actions) that we are available to them when they need us. We can prove with the way that we allocate both our time and money that they are important.
what is nurturing anyway?
Nurturing is a continual process based on our presence. It is neither something done just for infants, nor something done completely from a distance.
The “seen” aspects of nurturing are:
hygiene
feeding
resting
sheltering
The unseen aspects of nurturing are:
educating for life
an atmosphere that stimulates good feelings and self-worth
security
acceptance
“A tree grower doesn’t just hope there’s enough nourishment available for his trees to flourish. By his efforts, he ensures it. Our kids need to have their innermost beings nourished and refreshed as much as they need their bodies fed to ensure growth.”
but what about personal FULFILMENT?
In a culture that doesn’t see the value of not having a job-title or salary, staying at home can seem like a mediocre choice. Weber recalls a letter she received from a friend who never wanted to have kids, but ended up having one in her late thirties. This woman, who was a high school teacher, writes that while teaching used to be the sole fulfilment of her life, now finds it is only a part of her life, in her words (speaking of her son): “He’s added a different dimension to who I am. He’s helped me to focus on someone other than myself…”
what do you say to the working mother?
Weber writes, “Don’t feel guilty if you have to work, even if you just want to work, as long as your work is a balance, not a compromise; thought through, not a rationalization.”
There is a myth that women need to have it all at once—Don’t heap expectations on yourself because you see other mothers doing more. Know your capacity and keep your priorities in mind.
“To be entrusted with the very life, health, and well-being of a tiny human person is a great gift and honour…To invest your time and best efforts into a child and to watch him grow, develop, and excel is to be part of the creative majesty of life itself.”
what makes an incredible mom?
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Am I creating a positive environment? A positive environment is the result of gratitude, being thankful for what we have and not complaining. “It has become a natural part of our culture to be sarcastic, to put things down, to be a complainer…Are you capitalizing on the joys of family life and minimizing the hard things?…Focus on the good.”
Am I creating an environment that’s motivational? Care about your children and trust them as important individuals. “Sacrificing your time, energy, and talent for them speaks loudly.”
Am I creating an environment where we really communicate? Communication isn’t just being ready when they need to talk, it’s letting our kids know that we’ll really listen when they have hard things to discuss. Allow for unplanned chit-chat, and keep a finger on the pulse of your family. Let your kids know what you need from them in terms of chores and expectations, be clear.
Am I creating an environment that’s safe? We can’t assume that children or teens will inherently know what is dangerous for them. Draw obvious lines, explain expectations, and create clear boundaries—this will make them feel safe because then discipline won’t come to them as a surprise.
What about me? Is my life balanced? We can’t take care of others if we’re not taking care of ourselves. Allow yourself a break, a diversion, or maybe a change of scenery. Schedule something each day that you can look forward to, even if it is small. If you have a physical or emotional problem, find help. Don’t feel guilty about it. Accept your strengths and your weaknesses. *In a later chapter, Weber recommends that all moms find a mentor, someone who can help you grow.
Am I creating an environment that’s gracious? Can your children make mistakes and expect forgiveness from you? Are you flexible or rigid? Giving grace means giving goodness to people who don’t deserve it.
Am I being diligent? Are you giving persistent, attentive care to your family?
“You are the greatest, Mom! You understand value—not monetary value, but the kind that really counts. You understand the development of the heart and spirit.”
Note: I have omitted some chapters in this summary. If you are interested in reading more, please consider getting Linda Weber’s book Mom, Your’re Incredible! or her latest book, The Eternal Mark of a Mom.
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By sharing encouraging true stories―including her own―and new research, Weber offers moms a detailed and updated rationale that defends the value of motherhood while urging women to embrace the value and power of their role.
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