How Can I Love My Husband More?
“Well, I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know
She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I’ll share her home
I found a lover, to carry more than just my secrets
To carry love, to carry children of our own”
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Here are fourteen ways that we can love our husband better! These tips are based on conversations, personal experience, and especially the research done by Shaunti Feldhahn, John Gottman, Gary Thomas, and Gary Chapman.
Work together as a team through problems, always keeping in mind your mutual purpose.
Let him lead you, spoil you, and take care of you. Sometimes it might feel humbling, but men like to love in this way.
Believe the best in your man and he will work to meet that image you have of him.
Respect him always, even when you don’t think he deserves it.
Forgive and forget, don’t hold the past against him, let him change.
Approach problems kindly, showing respect and giving him a chance to explain.
Don’t assume you know why he did something, always ask for his perspective.
Don’t take his mistakes personally.
Ask him for the kind of attention you need, don’t wait to receive the kind of attention you want from him.
Counsel him when you think he could do something different, but if he insists on a course of action, let him take the risk and make mistakes. Be patient with his mistakes. He’ll learn to trust you more.
Show him you love him by making an effort with your appearance, you don’t need to look like a supermodel, but the effort will prove to him that the relationship matters to you.
Understand that men want sex not just because of a physical urge, but because it helps them feel emotionally bonded to you. For men, the main source of emotional bonding is sex. Oxytocin, which is released in sex, increases a man’s trust and fidelity.
Celebrate his wins without pointing out what he could have done better.
Knowing, feeling, and accepting that we are loved is a woman's greatest insecurity.
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“Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I’ll give my all to you
You’re my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I’m winning
’Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you.
”
References:
Articles about oxytocin:
Oxytocin Makes Men in Relationships Want to Stay Away from Other Women
Shaunti Feldhahn: Shaunti’s books, including For Women Only, The Kindness Challenge, and most recently, Thriving in Love & Money have shed light on men and women’s needs in marriage based on national surveys.
Gary Thomas: Gary Thomas is an international speaker and best-selling, award-winning author whose books include Married Sex, Sacred Marriage and Sacred Parenting. I recommend this Focus on the Family interview, Cherish your Spouse
John Gottman Institute: The Gottman Institute is the culmination of Drs. John and Julie Gottman’s life work as researchers and clinical psychologists. Their approach to relationship health has been developed from over 40 years of research with more than 3,000 couples—the most extensive study ever done on marital stability.
Gary Chapman: Chapman is a well-known marriage counselor and director of marriage seminars. The 5 Love Languages® is one of Chapman’s most popular titles, topping various bestseller charts for years, selling over twenty million copies and has been on the New York Times bestsellers list since 2007. The premise of The 5 Love Languages® book is quite simple: different people with different personalities give and receive love in different ways. By learning to recognize these preferences in yourself and in your loved ones, you can learn to identify the root of your conflicts, connect more profoundly, and truly begin to grow closer.